Is there such a thing as a Submissive Matriarch?

When I took Social Studies way back whenever that was, I learned that there are very few Matriarchal societies. Frankly, I beg to differ.

I know a system that works really well right in the United States of America. It's not announcing it's presence or rallying for political votes, but it thrives in it's hidden underground.

At the very top of the tier is the Top Momma, the ultimate Matriarch, that is in charge of every family detail under her jurisdiction. Every daughter, daughter-in-law, grand-daughter or great-grand-daughter falls under her influence. Each man married to any of these women has his own part in hiding the system as well as obeying it. Each child born into the system follows it completely without knowing it exists. Should a sudden emergency rise, the woman highest in rank at the situation pulls her husband or son aside as if conferencing or discussing what "they" think. The Man then emerges knowing how to respond confidently. Everyone looks to the Man, since he is the speaker, as if he's "wearing the pants". His wife or mother is in the background behind him, or not even in the vacinity, and she never needs to speak again regarding the situation once her decision is known, so great and thorough is her power and control.

When a Ruling Matriarch of a large family decides she must step down, there is a passing on of the authority to the next in line. Usually a few woman are establishing their own, growing families under themselves already, and the exchange is wordlessly smooth, with the Grand Momma being taken care of in her old age in turn.

What happens, though, if the next in line refuses to accept her authority? What if she does not want to direct and lead her family? Does her husband step forward? Oh, no! If a Mother refuses to take up her rightful authority, there is a scramble amoung the lower women ranks. One of the Daughters must step up, and it is not an easy responsibility! Not only must she organize and direct her own, extended family, but she is also in charge of communicating with other Matriarchs and their families. There is no end to the delicacies of communication and shoulds and should-nots, and without seeing her own Mother perform the duties, it is very difficult for that daughter to smoothly take the controls of the Family.

If no one is found that can take this responsibility, than the family falls apart into smaller grouplets, into manageable sizes, and the family growth starts again. Tragically, certain connections and victories gained by the previous Matriarch are lost.

What if one of the women marries into a family where the Men are in charge?

I know this is a sensitive subject in America. Women earned the right to be citizens and to vote and to not be considered lesser persons before my time. Now Women want to be seen as equal in all situations, when the Family is essentially set up for one to rule (ultimately) and one to bow the head. I am not saying the Husband and Wife don't serve equally or each put in 100% for the benefit of their families, I'm talking about the Final Say.

Amoung men everywhere, the idea of wife telling them what to do is a subject of much teasing. There are some nasty name-calling for men who have to call their wives before making a purchase or a decision. Many men who are living in Matriarchal societies would not admit it to their friends and co-workers (although there are always those honest souls who do.) But sometimes, more and more rarely, a Man actually thinks he's in charge! He thinks he has the final say! He actually believes his opinion matters when faced with the oposing Matriarch! What does a woman in such a situation do?

The first answer is that the retired Matriarch will pull such a wife to the side and make small suggestions on how to control her husband. To such Great Women there is no response. They are retired, after all, and hold no real authority, so it is best to smile and nod to such suggestions.

I think, however, nearly every woman in the US would strive to find a way to do just that, figure out how to control her husband.

But what about the Woman that believes differently? What about the Woman that believes her husband should make choices and decisions? What about the Woman that DOES it in the face of such a Matriarchal society! First, she is submitted to rejection and derision from the woman around her. She is treated like a half-rate Woman with no vision or backbone. She is quietly ridiculed. The responses are as subtle as the Rule is, behind men's backs, in language children don't understand.

So, who is stronger? The Woman who Submits? Or the one who accepts her Command? Back in the Garden of Eden after Eve and then Adam ate the forbidden fruit, God cursed. He cursed the snake, He cursed the earth, and then He had some words for Eve... "Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you." I think that at that very moment Eve was no longer content to "help" her husband, to let him be "in charge". I think from that moment a Matriarchal system was born quietly in her heart to rule her husband some how, some way. I think every woman after Eve has had to it inside her. God took Woman's contentment away, but we can go to Him and get it back! (I challange you to attempt it!)

I have been submitting to my Man, letting his decisions be "ours" and facing womanly ridicule that he cannot see for my decisions. (And it's actually a constant battle.) Recently, however, the Matriarchal baton was thrust into my hands, as well. Do I let it fall and lose beloved family connections? Or do I step up and direct in a position of secret authority? I don't know how I will do them both, submit to my husband and rule the family, and maybe it's not possible, but right now I think it's worth a try!