DELIBERATE

My new favorite word is "deliberate". My huge Webster's dictionary that I only use for pressing flowers says "characterized by or resulting from unhurried, careful, thorough, and cool calculation and consideration of effects and consequences... slow, unhurried and steady..." Sheesh! No wonder I squish flowers with the tedious thing!!! What I mean is just as complicated, but very personal....

"Living each moment purposefully, enjoying each character around me, either because I was prepared, planned for it, or as if I mean to be in this moment, striving to consider future moments as necessary for the purpose of making them more meaningful to those I love and myself without giving them exagerated worry."

To Highlight.... Jeremy and I are coming up on our 10th Anniversary. 10 years!!! It's been harder and easier than I imagined, and definitely flown by faster! Nothing is more important than pausing to enjoy each other when the moment strikes... we pause and talk (or kiss) at some spontaneous moment, and we steal that moment from whatever else was supposed to be happening. Oh yes, we will send the children, all 4 children, to a 10 x 12 space so we can have an uninterupted (pretty much) conversation, pinning them there for an unspecified amount of time.

Our four kids are wonderful, LOUD, BUSY mini-nuclear-reactors. Everywhere I go I find unwanted sympathy, which is so easy to capitolize on. What I mean is, I find the general mindset to conclude "overwhelming" everywhere I turn. Often I feel a bit overwhelmed. Often I accept the sympathy before realizing it's meant to a deeper degree than I'm experiencing, at which point it's difficult to backtrack and say, "no, no... I'm actually having nearly as much fun as my entourage!" I do pass the "controllable" limit more often than I like. I do stay at home more than my kids like. With that admitted, WE HAVE A BLAST!!!!! We have fun as a group and fun in so many combinations that I pity the families with less action.

I must dive into a few details... Camten and Aidan love getting dirty, finding bugs, imaging worlds unexplored and can share vivid imaginary scenes hilarious to watch. Shad can match his Dad on video games, so the competition takes off to the enjoyment of all of us. Trinity can twirl and dance with a kicked-up heal to a commercial or Dora the Explorer or Mom's worship music in the kitchen. Each kid helps in VERY individual ways. Aidan is a Chef that chops and stirs and creates masterpieces with his creative mind. Shad precisely sets the table or mixes juice without a spill. I have to encourage him to hurry with the waffle-making or they'll be cooked before he's finished precisely pouring the batter! Camten speaks so seriously and comically at the same time with such strong opinions. These treasured moments go on and on, always changing and adjusting, always funner than before. I LOVE enjoying each of these moments purposefully.

Recently we found a diet (yes, a DIET) that is specifically and only about LIVING IN EACH MOMENT. The entire foundation, as I understand it, is to set down the fork and actually taste each bite, listening to my body for that "full" signal that will be coming much sooner than I expect it. Last night I barely finished the first half of what I considered a good portion when I felt full - oh, but each bite was SO delicious!!!! I remember the blending of flavors right now!! There was ground beef seasoned just right with a crunchy taco shell that was slightly corn-tasting, the sour cream hit the spot with just a touch of cheeze, a touch of salsa and that refreshing touch of shredded lettuce. WOW! A very regular American "taco" turned gourmet!

Last night when I cleaned up after dinner I realized a few things. 1. I have always over-eaten at dinner time. I feel it's my "right" as a hard-working Mom to eat too much at night. 2. That feeling of exhaustion and frustration at having to clean up dinner at all CAME FROM being so stuffed I could hardly move! (Not from working so hard all day, like I always told myself.) 3. It felt GREAT to NOT eat too much! This was a shocking surprise for me, so I have to count it. The result is, I am SO looking forward to my next meal, even though I am SO looking forward to not eating much of it! My new "diet" has nothing to do with Limitations, everything to do with Enjoying the Moment... which is what I love to do best.

Peace... a different perspective.

"And the peace of God, which surpasses understanding, will guard your minds and hearts in Christ Jesus."

The PEACE of God... "He shall hide you under His wings" - it's being in a safe place. Not so much like a chicken, able to hold so many baby chicks under her flightless feathers... more like an 80lb. Pitbull dog. Her new pups confidently wiggle between her powerful legs and under her powerful head. No one approaches those puppies without her absolute attention. No one touches them without her cautious permission. I saw an eagle in the wild this week - awesome in it's hugeness. It cried out with a call that lingered so long I had to stop and look up to see who had so little fear! Only right above the tall evergreens, it was HUGE, riding the thermal heat, I suppose, just like I've seen on TV. I watched until it was so high I doubted that it was such a big bird. Hiding, riding, under those wings is an awesome idea... soaring high above the worries and concerns of the world, confident master without fear.

God is more awesome than an eagle, scarier than a pitbull dog. No one can touch His children without His seeing, knowing, allowing. And His children have no need to worry, for He carries them far above "all that". LORD, open my eyes to see... my emotions want to feel, to know Your refuge. But even if I can't perceive it, THANK YOU, LORD!!!