Jeremy and my 10 year Anniversary is only a couple days away. Looking over our pictures I came accross this poem I wrote, and I couldn't believe it! For one, I like it. But I can't believe I gave it to him when we'd only known each other 3 1/2 weeks!!!! We were crazy kids, even if we were 27. Nowadays there's a lot more, "you always..." and "you never..."s which is so petty and stupid, but there's more depth, too, and when we say, "I love you" we know who it is we're saying that to!
In honor of Beginnings and surviving 10 years (and 4 kids), I thought I'd finally go public with this romantic poem. You gotta know I'm blushing as I copy...
To: Jeremy
A Poem
How do I feel?
Let me tell you...
From: Laura
2/23/98
My senses have been flooded
with a whirlpool of colors and emotions
I want to pause,
stop,
rest... just a moment.
A moment
A drop of time to gaze at the colors
to contemplate their meaning.
I see
I feel,
I see a backdrop of hazy, misty green,
A soft, foggy confusion
that penetrates the corners.
Spots of intensity flow by me
Swirling
Swooshing,
Trailing tails like comets
Blues, purples, deep, deep reds -
Oh! all the colors of the rainbow!
Yet so intense
To gaze at one is to be overwhelmed...
Your hugs,
Your eyes,
Your hand asking for mine...
....oh! your eyes!
Gazing steadily into mine
I have to look away!
Yet you gaze on...
No, I cannot focus on the bright, flying colors.
Then I see your words
Your expressed thoughts.
They hold less shape, their outlines softer,
Flexing,
Remolding,
Shifting
"The more I know you, WHO YOU ARE is what
I've always wanted in a woman"
"You are beautiful"
"We have the same heart!"
"Mine! All mine!"
(I am yours!)
But there's more... more! (always more)
Dizzy with the colors, the emotions,
I try to focus...
Behind these
Encompassing these
flowing right through all these
Are the deepest spots
Hard to define
Hard to see, let alone clarify -
Yet they are the substance of the rest.
It is the moment your eyes first lock on mine,
The expression of awed pleasure
that flows over your face
like a cloud-shadow on the countryside.
Your intake of breath as I take your arm.
It is that unexpected moment
I turn into your surprise embrace.
That first time I heard your heart beat
watching the river in the rain.
That "Oh!" you whisper
when you reach out to gently touch
my face
Shshshshsh....
Oh, I am speechless
words have ceased
thoughts melted away.
I sit in silence.
I am overwhelmed
and a little frightened.
(Whisper!)
How do I respond to such a man?
What can I say?
What can I do?
How do I tell him... You?
I have seen you with my mind,
calculated my response,
tried to hold my own...
But you have swept me away
So that I seek for my footing again.
Oh, I could soak a long time
In the impressions you have flooded me with.
Do I dare draw near you again?
My entire being,
My whole soul longs for your company -
Yet, I will keep this moment,
Just a spot of time
To gaze in wonder
To relax
To float
To spin slowly, more gently
In this whirlpool,
'Til I feel the ground again
Under my feet
And I know who I am
who I have been
And who I dream to be
Again.
Then I will
Draw near you
To see you
Be with you...
(With you!)
My own, dear Jeremy.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Aaaaaargh!
THE COOKIE-CUTTER SCHOOLS
I am so mad! I am so frustrated! I want to gather my children together under my wings and demand the world leave them alone. How can they judge my children?! How can anyone say their standard is the right one?! Can't they see their faulty system themselves?!?! This school system with it's tests thinks they know my child, but I can see they don't know any of the children. They pass each one through the same testing system, calling it "personalizing" by grouping together similarly-achieving students. What about the kid at the bottom of the "smart" group? Her scores don't look so great in the book, don't show how smart she really is.
I remember... I remember moving to England for 3rd and 4th "year" which was my 4th and 5th "grade" in the US. Suddenly I was at the very bitty bottom of my class, quickly figuring out how to fill my pen with ink and use a blotter and play that recorder. They thought I was stupid and too tall.
These teachers at school have so many suggestions and ideas for me. "Don't worry about spelling", says one, "everyone uses spell-checks nowadays, anyway." "He really needs to work on his spelling", says another, "here's a curriculum that might help! It costs about $100." I worked so hard with my son on spelling last year. This year I decided to volunteer to give his spelling test, so at least the score would reflect what he actually knows. I graded two groups of tests today. One person did well in his group and got 100%, another struggled with the harder test and got only 60%. In the easier group one of the kids decided he didn't care that day and got most of them wrong, whereas one girl easily got her 100%. Does anyone besides the teacher recognize the difference between the 100% on the easier test versus the 60% on the harder test?!
How about when Moms drop off their 2-4 year olds in Sunday School and they're crying. There's the Mom that watches nearby until her kid is happy. The Mom that brings her kid with her to the big service if he doesn't leave his tearful post by the entrance after 10 minutes... and sits with him in the very front row so he can see good... just last Sunday. I've spent lotsa days in the classes, too - I was the Preschool department for a while at one church.
So, now I'm the Mean Momma that won't let my 3rd grader get on a Canoe with 40 other people. The teacher called me at home to say he'll be the "only one" not going, and, actually "the only one EVER" to not go. It reminds me of convincing the "helpful" SS Teacher to hand me back my child 'cause it's not OK with me that he's not OK. Some people are so certain they know what's right for other people's kids.
I feel like saying to the school... "give me back my kid. You don't know how to test him. You don't know how he's really doing and it's not my fault or HIS fault that your system is so limited! and, by the way, NO! I don't want him on a Canoe with you!!" Well, actually, we did stop the re-testing and the Canoe thing, much to everyone's flabbergastedness, which is somewhat satisfying. But I want to block their opinions from approaching my son's understanding, too... I don't want him to see their classifications, their test scores, their pre-set ideas of his success rates. I don't want him to decide that they're right, 'cause they don't "get him", yet, and he doesn't fit in their system.
PHOOEY on systems, I say!
I am so mad! I am so frustrated! I want to gather my children together under my wings and demand the world leave them alone. How can they judge my children?! How can anyone say their standard is the right one?! Can't they see their faulty system themselves?!?! This school system with it's tests thinks they know my child, but I can see they don't know any of the children. They pass each one through the same testing system, calling it "personalizing" by grouping together similarly-achieving students. What about the kid at the bottom of the "smart" group? Her scores don't look so great in the book, don't show how smart she really is.
I remember... I remember moving to England for 3rd and 4th "year" which was my 4th and 5th "grade" in the US. Suddenly I was at the very bitty bottom of my class, quickly figuring out how to fill my pen with ink and use a blotter and play that recorder. They thought I was stupid and too tall.
These teachers at school have so many suggestions and ideas for me. "Don't worry about spelling", says one, "everyone uses spell-checks nowadays, anyway." "He really needs to work on his spelling", says another, "here's a curriculum that might help! It costs about $100." I worked so hard with my son on spelling last year. This year I decided to volunteer to give his spelling test, so at least the score would reflect what he actually knows. I graded two groups of tests today. One person did well in his group and got 100%, another struggled with the harder test and got only 60%. In the easier group one of the kids decided he didn't care that day and got most of them wrong, whereas one girl easily got her 100%. Does anyone besides the teacher recognize the difference between the 100% on the easier test versus the 60% on the harder test?!
How about when Moms drop off their 2-4 year olds in Sunday School and they're crying. There's the Mom that watches nearby until her kid is happy. The Mom that brings her kid with her to the big service if he doesn't leave his tearful post by the entrance after 10 minutes... and sits with him in the very front row so he can see good... just last Sunday. I've spent lotsa days in the classes, too - I was the Preschool department for a while at one church.
So, now I'm the Mean Momma that won't let my 3rd grader get on a Canoe with 40 other people. The teacher called me at home to say he'll be the "only one" not going, and, actually "the only one EVER" to not go. It reminds me of convincing the "helpful" SS Teacher to hand me back my child 'cause it's not OK with me that he's not OK. Some people are so certain they know what's right for other people's kids.
I feel like saying to the school... "give me back my kid. You don't know how to test him. You don't know how he's really doing and it's not my fault or HIS fault that your system is so limited! and, by the way, NO! I don't want him on a Canoe with you!!" Well, actually, we did stop the re-testing and the Canoe thing, much to everyone's flabbergastedness, which is somewhat satisfying. But I want to block their opinions from approaching my son's understanding, too... I don't want him to see their classifications, their test scores, their pre-set ideas of his success rates. I don't want him to decide that they're right, 'cause they don't "get him", yet, and he doesn't fit in their system.
PHOOEY on systems, I say!
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