Two things I hold onto from when I was 10. Two things I learned that no one can take away from me... from the British culture.
The First is my handwriting. I don't write like an American girl, but I do write in a common way somewhere. When I first returnd from England at 11 yrs, I meticulously fixed my "f" - the American version was MUCH preferred. That was a LOT of work and took hours of practice. There's no way I could change my entire alphabet... and now, there's no way I'd want to. I've seen stamps with my kind of handwriting... you know, the indicipherable kind with drawn out bumps that looks like a mysterious poet's letter. Mom found a journal once with Linguistic notes in my handwriting - a beautiful journal. It wasn't mine, but it looked like I wrote it - well, at least to all of us. Except for those "f"s. That's how I know I write quite commonly somewhere.
The Second in the "continental" style of proper eating - the correct manner of using fork and knife, etc. This one I usually hide, especially in public. If I cut a piece of meat and eat it right off the fork without switching to the right hand, I'm totally violating American Etiquette and I can feel that I'm being watched.... like someone might watch the Mowgli eat, having rescued him from the Jungle. No one's actually said anything, so sometimes I blatently enjoy myself MY way. But I value the art of not standing out, so more often I conform just enough. Except for breakfast! I fix one egg on one piece of toast and eat it delicately smushing my bite onto the back of my fork with my knife in very proper Continental style. I slowly enjoy my breakfast every morning and I always place my knife and fork in the "finished" position before taking my plate to the sink and reverting to American Mom.
It's funny to have lived in another World for only two years of my life and find that it changed two small parts of me so completely.
Well, there is a Third major difference, actually. It's harder to describe and less visible, though. My point of World View is different. From my daily activities to how I think my country should act, I am more reserved and self-contained and value maintaining myself over maintaining those around me... or rather, I believe that BY maintaining myself I can best influence those around me. This Difference, unlike the other two, actually matches my character and makes me feel connected to Europe in general, and Finland, in particular, although I've never been there.
Before you think I'm Unpatriotic, though, let me add that I've traveled enough to see that God protects us in the United States. I think it's because of our founding father's honoring Him in the beginning. There is a terrible lack of blessing all over the world from so many years of rejecting God. It's sad to think of where our country is trying so hard to go.... but right now, the blessings still linger - there's protection, an absence of terrible-ness and great potential for personal success here. In Daniel the Angel Gabriel mentions a Prince of Persia and a Prince of Greece in Daniel 10:20-21. I am not saying I know or saw anything, but each country or area feels different spiritually. As I think of what to write, I think of how many ways I can get myself in trouble with assumptions that may or may not be anywhere's close to the truth. It's a thought, anyway - that different areas are oppressed by specific Princes with strengths and weaknesses that are reflected in the areas they govern - spiritual seen in the visible.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Friday, December 7, 2007
Forgiven and Forgiving...
Refresher Course... on The Unforgiving Servant.
I LOVE/HATE this parable out of Matthew 18:21-35. Jesus has such a great grasp on the real perspective of things. The trick is that when someone does me wrong, I don't think about God in that moment. When someone owes me something, in a figurative, it's real. The injury is real, the wrong is real, the emotions of frustration and anger are all real. But Jesus never denies any of that, He just points out that the debt owed me is not as great as the debt I owed God.
As long as I'm focusing on the Wrong there's no way I can forgive. All I can see it the Reality of the Wrong done to me. The only thing I can do is make a sort of mental note that sends that person to prison regarding our relationship. I don't communicate freely like prison bars between us. I feel some satisfaction as if I'm making him pay.
What I don't realize is that those bars I see... I'm looking out from the INSIDE. I'm the one who's in prison - I'm the one who feels the effect of my treasured Debt of Wrong. Even more than the person I wanted to "make pay" is in prison, the Prison holds ME - my emotions, my reactions, my thoughts.
If I let time pass in that state, I won't even remember how I got there. I won't know why the relationship is so strained. Eventually, the prison I put myself in would effect my relationship with other, innocent people until I changed to become an Inmate - a bitter, resentful, suspicious person.
By making someone pay for the wrong they did me, MY character is destroyed.
Why did God set it up that way? Why did He make someone else's problem be MINE?! Maybe because of the Cross... where He made all my problems HIS. Maybe this is a way to become more like Christ... OR ELSE!
One more thing... Jesus says we must forgive from the heart. Even when I look at God and His amazing grace and mercy towards me, I am still mad at my offender. When I speak the words, "I forgive", I often growl them out of gritted teeth. That's hardly heart-felt and definitely embarrassing to admit!
But a weird thing happens quite quickly... my heart does turn around. Either the power of speaking something out loud, or the small step of trying in the right direction, draws God to act and finish the work for me. After saying it, over only a few hours, even, I feel it - or rather, my eyes are opened to the incredible act of Forgiveness that God, through Jesus, gave ME, and my gratefulness grows larger, and how much I was forgiven starts to eclipse the offense I was wronged. Shortly after that, I feel the freedom of being released from that awful Prison. I no longer see my offender through irritated glasses, and the whole world seems brighter.
You know what? No wonder Jesus spoke this stuff in a Parable!! As simple and wonderful as forgiveness is, it's really complicated to explain how it feels to ME. So... if you managed to read through all that... double kudos! Next time I'll just copy Matt. 18:21-35!!!
I LOVE/HATE this parable out of Matthew 18:21-35. Jesus has such a great grasp on the real perspective of things. The trick is that when someone does me wrong, I don't think about God in that moment. When someone owes me something, in a figurative, it's real. The injury is real, the wrong is real, the emotions of frustration and anger are all real. But Jesus never denies any of that, He just points out that the debt owed me is not as great as the debt I owed God.
As long as I'm focusing on the Wrong there's no way I can forgive. All I can see it the Reality of the Wrong done to me. The only thing I can do is make a sort of mental note that sends that person to prison regarding our relationship. I don't communicate freely like prison bars between us. I feel some satisfaction as if I'm making him pay.
What I don't realize is that those bars I see... I'm looking out from the INSIDE. I'm the one who's in prison - I'm the one who feels the effect of my treasured Debt of Wrong. Even more than the person I wanted to "make pay" is in prison, the Prison holds ME - my emotions, my reactions, my thoughts.
If I let time pass in that state, I won't even remember how I got there. I won't know why the relationship is so strained. Eventually, the prison I put myself in would effect my relationship with other, innocent people until I changed to become an Inmate - a bitter, resentful, suspicious person.
By making someone pay for the wrong they did me, MY character is destroyed.
Why did God set it up that way? Why did He make someone else's problem be MINE?! Maybe because of the Cross... where He made all my problems HIS. Maybe this is a way to become more like Christ... OR ELSE!
One more thing... Jesus says we must forgive from the heart. Even when I look at God and His amazing grace and mercy towards me, I am still mad at my offender. When I speak the words, "I forgive", I often growl them out of gritted teeth. That's hardly heart-felt and definitely embarrassing to admit!
But a weird thing happens quite quickly... my heart does turn around. Either the power of speaking something out loud, or the small step of trying in the right direction, draws God to act and finish the work for me. After saying it, over only a few hours, even, I feel it - or rather, my eyes are opened to the incredible act of Forgiveness that God, through Jesus, gave ME, and my gratefulness grows larger, and how much I was forgiven starts to eclipse the offense I was wronged. Shortly after that, I feel the freedom of being released from that awful Prison. I no longer see my offender through irritated glasses, and the whole world seems brighter.
You know what? No wonder Jesus spoke this stuff in a Parable!! As simple and wonderful as forgiveness is, it's really complicated to explain how it feels to ME. So... if you managed to read through all that... double kudos! Next time I'll just copy Matt. 18:21-35!!!
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