Inner Plagues

Everybody struggles with something.

There's the 7 great Principles that are hard to perfect - not because they're hard to study, identify or act out, but because everyone has blindspots, and it's hard to work on what you can't see. Then there's those 3 root sins. At least if you know what your weaknesses are, you can keep an eye out, right? Well, my issues start with Pride, which is so, so ugly and hard to root out, requiring constant weeding, anyway. I struggle with Perfectionism, too, which looks like pride sometimes.... I mean, when I ought to be admitting fault and humbling myself before someone, my brain is scrambling trying to figure out what I did 'wrong' so that I won't DO it again, as if I committed a fixible action vs. blurted out of the heart. It looks the same, maybe, which is only worse for me. I hardly need encouragement to be hard on myself, either, 'cause my other big issue, from the Principles, is Self-Acceptance. I never figured out how to accept my inner self as a kid. When Self-Acceptance is discussed, it's usually referred to the outer person, and I suppose there are a lot of people who look in the mirror and struggle with Acceptance. I didn't look in a mirror... I don't know where I looked. I took every reprimand, every suggestion, every hint as a conclusion that I hadn't got "it" right, and for some reason, all that ever mattered to me was getting it "right". Maybe that's a problem, too. Or... maybe "it" isn't about what's a problem or what's right or should-be's at all... the idea of which completely blows my line of thinking out of the water! But no wonder I fight with Pride if I think I'm doing stuff Right! So... I really do need to let go of Judging and let God alone sit on that seat. How to accept myself, so I can accept those I love... How to live in Love instead of rights and wrongs... how to let go of Perfection as an attainable goal and put on Christ's Righteousness instead... I know I can't do it on my own, and I wish I wasn't struggling with the thought in the middle of so many important things... like calling banks about refinancing. Speaking of which, I need to make a few phone calls now, and then pick up my house - again.